a.k.a. Sunday, or Dimanche.
update: V-day was strange not in a bad way. mom came yesterday. so far so good. i bought a marquis de sade book b/c French people like to discuss it. Until I came here I totally never thought about how the S&M dude was French. I haven't even read the book yet (I bought it today with my mom. No, i picked it she paid for it. wierd?) that makes so much sense to me. It's SUCH a different approach here to "it," for one thing, it's not as referred to abstractly as "it." Rather it's a man with an extremely intense history and philosophy, and impacted modern day thought, a lot (Freud, Marx).
So yea. I'm really excited to read the book and "learn" about it; it's cool bc it sort of gives a structure to thinking about things that I think about while simultaneously having a complex and not thinking things, not "letting my mind go there," or even understanding what "there" is. I feel like I am on a sexual journey. Haha. Maybe that's what life is. But anyway, learning about myself. Learning how to connect the mind/body. I mean for me, that's what a lot of S Factor was about. And is about. I stuck with it even though it was hard and I didn't "know" why. I just went with it.
Anywho. What do you think? Let's talk about sex!
Oh and yea I've been having some. Could you tell? And all with the same person which feels the best it ever has. It means more to me now. Not that this person is the love of my life, bc I refuse to believe that, but I'm learning. Hell yes, sexually liberated countries!
Love is a whole other issue. My next inner hurdle is conquering my belief (meaning, I can't help it. I try not to think this) that there is so much for me to know, learn in the world. How could I, now, be able to recognize true love? I have not in the passed, maybe I always knew. But I guess I dont believe in it. It's hard to believe its true that it even exists.
I desperately want it, but I dont know what it is. Its sort of what makes me go on, gives fuel to the artistic fire. Passion. If I didnt believe in it, it would be hard to care about anything. Wouldn't it? Or no? I really mean that as a question.
OH! I made the coolest painting/collage thing, and I had this idea that I wanted to duplicate the texture of the main image (a breast; hmm i see a theme here,) and the first thing that came to mind was the pattern of a fishnet stocking. So i stretched it over the canvas. It looks rad. Still a little more work to go.
Ill take a photo.
Hope your weekend was good. I want to hear about the boys! I was actually referring to your nephews, which feels creepy considering the context of this letter, I have to admit.
Hope to hear from you soon
xo
LHS
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Much to write in response here, but I'm heading across the street (in the rain - yay!) to LaPoubelle for some French onion soup. hahahaha! Seems funny, since you're in France. :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I will write more tonight.......
lol "la poubelle" means the trash can. forgot about that lol meant to tell you
ReplyDeleteThat is HILLARIOUS! I've been wondering about that for the longest time. Okay.....much to write, but I have to go for a jog before it starts raining again! Miss you so much!! Will write this afternoon....so much to write.
ReplyDeleteMissing you like crazy!
xox,
A-
On "true love"...."If I didnt believe in it, it would be hard to care about anything. Wouldn't it? Or no? I really mean that as a question."
ReplyDeleteThat's a tough one. I think it's important to believe in true love. I guess I'm learning that it comes in many forms, and from the least expected places. For me, with men, I love them first. They get past whatever, or whomever, they need to get past....and by then, it's too late.
My best advice: Make sure you find someone who is happy with himself....who is secure....who doesn't judge his own value by how much attention he gets from the opposite sex, be it from an ex, a friend, or a complete stranger.
I've found love, true love, in friends, in family members, in myself. So, I know it exists....in it's purest form. And now, I will accept nothing less.
Don't confuse passion with love. Yes, ideally there is both....simultaneously. But, believe me, there can be one without the other. That's a tough one to decipher....if I'd figured that one out sooner I would have skipped a lot of heartache.
Passion is extremely important....and you are out there discovering yours. Know your value, know what's important to you, and be true to yourself.
Love you!!
A-